God the Slave

God, the creator. God, the master of fate. God , the slave of humanity

For the last decade ,I have spent countless hours being a believer. A believer of a being higher than creation. One, who created the heavens and the earth, light and darkness, animal and creature all together. The one who eventually made me.

In my last writing I spoke of insanity, one that I’ve been swimming in, one that made me lose meaning but eventually gain freedom. But this freedom is not just mine alone.

For years I have been as some would call, a firm Christian. Every time something happened ; evil, kind, just and unjust, I always blamed Gods will. I blamed every misfortune and fortune to his utmost wisdom. For whenever anything happened, just like second nurture I uttered ; “ Thank God” , “Everything happens for a reason”, “Oh this is God’s blessing”, “Maybe God is punishing me.” And what a fool I was.

When I had food to eat , I was a fool! When I was hungry, I was a fool! When I read the bible when I was 13 from Genesis to Revelation, wishing this would change my life , change my fate, I was a fool!

Don’t get me wrong, what man questions God’s will? What power does man have over the unseen? And who am I to question divine reason? Right…?

But let’s finally go down this road in what I call my intrusive mind…

What if the God I worshipped and turned to in every time or need or thank became a slave to my will? For every wrong or right I proclaimed it was his. For every blessing and curse I looked up to the sky to curse it or thank him. For every time chaos existed, I looked towards the heavens instead of looking at the chaos?

Have I made God my slave? One who labors and loves , only to be paid with blind faith? Is he a slave to my will, needs and ego, or I am a slave to his divine will. So who is truly serving whom? Does he exist only for humanity or does he exist because of humanity? Or maybe he just exists.

For years I made him a slave to my own rhetoric. Every said purpose, every choice, every need wasn’t mine. It was his. I gave him no choice to be the creator. And in the end demoted him to being a bearer of my own free will and the chaos surrounding me.

If there ever existed a being as omnipotent , as divine as I have proclaimed in my heart for years they would only be a mirror of myself?

For my mind to truly be free I have to break this mirror. And how insane am I for that? I choose to see my life, my world and myself through only the lens of chaos.

And do not mistake chaos for darkness. Do not mistake chaos for a void. Do not mistake chaos for meaningless.

Chaos is the inclusion of all without purpose, without fate and without a creator. And no longer will I make God the slave to my own chaos.