Insanity

I’m so fucking tired of thinking…..

Is it immature to think that there’s more to life than just a 9-5? That I would rather live in a reality where magic existed and financial systems and technology don’t? I am crazy to wish to be transported to another dimension where history is re-written and humans are focused more on development than survival?

Well I’m f*** tired of surviving. I’m tired of being a slave to it. I am tired of being a slave to myself and my own mind. That not once, can I put on a shallow lens and just be.

I am tired that I hunger for more. More of something I can’t explain. This something that seems to course each and every part of my being.

It fills each vein with poison. One that reaches my heart and it explodes with grief. And I can’t sleep because my dreams are two sweet.

I can’t swim and these stupid, rancid waters run so deep. I am drowning, I cant breathe. I don’t want to sometimes, as dark as that is. There is no higher purpose, no American dream, just another form of slavery. Because who do I serve if not this system?

Yes, I sit and fantasize daily for when I am no longer a slave to this system. When my soul and its shackles will be free.

Yes I want to bloom, but this dirt I grew in, deprives you instead of nourishing me. It strips your color and makes you like all the others.

I’m tired of floating! On this stupid rock, surrounded my mindless hunger and greed.

But the worst part, I know for me to survive, I have to become a master in this very system. I have to become so wealthy that I am the system. But what does that fucking change… I will still be planted in the same soil, I will still be drowning in the same system, but now I will be adding more water to its vastness.

The road to instanity is sweet
it curves and pivots,
denies and acknowledges.
It sneaks in with the promise
of truth,
But it eradicates meaning.
Yet it keeps its promise.

Oh, how sweet this insanity is!
It fills every corner of your mind,
like that first love.
It is obsessive.
Yet it is sweet.

For one to truly know freedom,
one must embrace this insanity.
They must deny meaning
but embrace truth.
They must seek chaos,
not structure.
And for that, one must be truly insane.